First off, let me say that in the interest of full disclosure, a different mod is replying to you now than the one who wrote up the rejection/revision notices.
1.) We've had a few people who, seeing as there was no decent outside source of information on their character, write up some canon information themselves. In this case, what we'd mostly like to see is something that gives us context for the character you're apping--what brief bits of history you do know, what their role in the story is, etc. Part of the issue we had is that, while you can play multiple characters from the same canon here, you can't play characters that are closely related, and we had no way to determine how much involvement, if any, Tiamaris and Andellen had.
2.) Whether or not the abilities you gave him are canon isn't important for this discussion. The fact remains that this is an AU game, meaning things need to be altered and reworked to fit the setting. For example, I personally have considered applying for a character who, in canon, has enhanced strength, electricity generation, and animal communication as powers; if I were ever to go through with this, I would have to drop at least one of those powers, because they're not all related and therefore that power set isn't appropriate for the game.
If you felt that the mental shields are that important to Andellen's character, you should have focused on the mental shields as a base, possibly tweaking them into an ability that could mimic or approximate one or two of the other ones, or even just something that, while not exactly canon, kept the right "feel" for the character. We didn't object to the mental shields themselves--we objected to the strength of them.
Additionally, while "Sue/Stuishness" is not how I personally would have addressed the point myself, the fact remains that the way certain canon factors are presented in your app can be a red flag to mods and other players. I understand that things like the extreme attractiveness, the mood ring eyes, etc, are found in the character in their canon--but this isn't the character's canon. I apologize if I am being presumptuous with my assumption, but I'm under the impression that you're less familiar with how panfandom RP operates--since, well, you're new to DWRP, and most other roleplaying formats are not panfandom.
If you play a character that is the hero of their canon, you shouldn't bring them into a game expecting other people to treat them like the hero of the game. Similarly, if you're bringing in a minor character that it somehow exceptional in their own canon--like Andellen seems to be--you shouldn't bring them into a panfandom game expecting them to be the smartest, or prettiest, or whatever they were remarkable for in canon. Things like the color-changing eyes and the way the appearance section describes him made the mods question your grasp of this principle--especially when this is an AU game, meaning things can freely be toned down or dropped.
3.) Just keep in mind that we aren't only processing your app. I copy-and-pasted the history section into a word processing document, and altogether, it was 10 pages long and almost 7000 words. We had some other apps that came close to this, but that's really above and beyond what we're willing to comb through when we also have to read through personality, abilities, and samples in addition, on top of however many other apps we're processing. In the future, we would like to see a history section that hits the major points in as straightforward a manner as possible.
4.) The game will be here next month! I know you said you were rushing to get your apps done, but I really recommend taking the time to better acquaint yourself with our expectations before making another attempt.
Thank you for applying; we'll be looking over Tiamaris's revisions soon.
Re: REJECTED
1.) We've had a few people who, seeing as there was no decent outside source of information on their character, write up some canon information themselves. In this case, what we'd mostly like to see is something that gives us context for the character you're apping--what brief bits of history you do know, what their role in the story is, etc. Part of the issue we had is that, while you can play multiple characters from the same canon here, you can't play characters that are closely related, and we had no way to determine how much involvement, if any, Tiamaris and Andellen had.
2.) Whether or not the abilities you gave him are canon isn't important for this discussion. The fact remains that this is an AU game, meaning things need to be altered and reworked to fit the setting. For example, I personally have considered applying for a character who, in canon, has enhanced strength, electricity generation, and animal communication as powers; if I were ever to go through with this, I would have to drop at least one of those powers, because they're not all related and therefore that power set isn't appropriate for the game.
If you felt that the mental shields are that important to Andellen's character, you should have focused on the mental shields as a base, possibly tweaking them into an ability that could mimic or approximate one or two of the other ones, or even just something that, while not exactly canon, kept the right "feel" for the character. We didn't object to the mental shields themselves--we objected to the strength of them.
Additionally, while "Sue/Stuishness" is not how I personally would have addressed the point myself, the fact remains that the way certain canon factors are presented in your app can be a red flag to mods and other players. I understand that things like the extreme attractiveness, the mood ring eyes, etc, are found in the character in their canon--but this isn't the character's canon. I apologize if I am being presumptuous with my assumption, but I'm under the impression that you're less familiar with how panfandom RP operates--since, well, you're new to DWRP, and most other roleplaying formats are not panfandom.
If you play a character that is the hero of their canon, you shouldn't bring them into a game expecting other people to treat them like the hero of the game. Similarly, if you're bringing in a minor character that it somehow exceptional in their own canon--like Andellen seems to be--you shouldn't bring them into a panfandom game expecting them to be the smartest, or prettiest, or whatever they were remarkable for in canon. Things like the color-changing eyes and the way the appearance section describes him made the mods question your grasp of this principle--especially when this is an AU game, meaning things can freely be toned down or dropped.
3.) Just keep in mind that we aren't only processing your app. I copy-and-pasted the history section into a word processing document, and altogether, it was 10 pages long and almost 7000 words. We had some other apps that came close to this, but that's really above and beyond what we're willing to comb through when we also have to read through personality, abilities, and samples in addition, on top of however many other apps we're processing. In the future, we would like to see a history section that hits the major points in as straightforward a manner as possible.
4.) The game will be here next month! I know you said you were rushing to get your apps done, but I really recommend taking the time to better acquaint yourself with our expectations before making another attempt.
Thank you for applying; we'll be looking over Tiamaris's revisions soon.